We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
