Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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