Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
