Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
