His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
