are you still at the devil's house?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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