I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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