his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
