Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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