what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
