I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
