So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
