so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
