and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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