I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
