I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
