you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
