You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
