So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
