there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Girls should come with a carfax report
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
