Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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