Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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