Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
