Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
