What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
