i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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