are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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