you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
