"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
