vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
