I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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