Welp...herpes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
