"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
