Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
