why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
