talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
