You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
