So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
