Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
