is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
