Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
