He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
