Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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