That's intense
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
