I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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