sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
