moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
