the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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