Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There was a lot of him and a little penis
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
