But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
