just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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