At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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